Photo Monday

 First snowfall of the winter this past week. Here are some photos of what Josh and Justace and I woke up to a few mornings ago.

 I've been practicing cooking and baking. I've gotten better but still mess up and am still learning. This chocolate cake I made from scratch. It was delicious but as you can see I'm not great at art and I made the mistake of not letting the cake cool enough before frosting it so everything sort of slid off to the side. It's supposed to be a spooky tree with Reeses peanut butter cup minis for leaves. I've made cookies and brownies but this was my first cake.

 Pip and Justace are becoming friends. Justace loves getting to pet the dog and when Pip licks him he laughs and giggles.

 Bright Eyes, our new kitten, drives me crazy but everyone else in the family loves her. She's taken to sleeping in the baby's high chair.

 Justace in his little lion Halloween costume. We went to the local Halloween carnival this past week and will go show him around the nursing home this week and the Trunk or Treat downtown.

 Justace is easily entertained. He got his hands on this plastic bag and had a great time playing with it. Don't worry I watched him the whole time to make sure he didn't put it over his face.

21 Weeks

Justace has becoming way more vocal. He still doesn't say any kind of words but his noises have increased a great deal. Sometimes when he's crying it sounds like he's saying mama a little bit. I wanted to teach myself Spanish so I can raise him bilingual and also do sign language with him but I just haven't had much time to devote to teaching myself Spanish yet and I do sign language when I remember to but most of the time I forget. I need to get in the habit of signing when I talk to him.

I've had a lot of help offerred to me from various people since becoming a mom, especially in the beginning. But I think the person who has really helped me out the most is Josh's old school friend Christine. She lives an hour away but between honest mom advice and listening to me complain and worry and answering questions and babysitting so many times I really don't know what I would have done without her help and I'm so grateful for that.

I don't know if Justace will be smart or not but I'm pretty sure he's going to be very active. He already is awake more than he probably should be. He is always moving around and is not content to ever sit still. I think I have a future athlete on my hands.

Photo Monday

 Justace watching Dad and Tristan play video games while I get his bath ready for the evening.

 Future football player?

 Justace cuddles his puppy dog on the floor early in the morning while I drink my morning coffee and try to wake up.

 Justace in his pjs with Dad before bed.

 The three grouse the boys shot yesterday.

 Justace looking cool in his Astros beanie and with his binkie.

Josh with his 3 grouse. He shot 2 and Tristan shot 1. I know what we are having for dinner. :-)

20 Weeks

This may not seem like a big deal but usually with rattles and stuffed animals and other toys I have to hand them to Justace to play with and help him hold them for a while. But this week I had him on the floor while I was cooking dinner and watching him and he dropped his rattle toy. I didn't pick it up at first because I was busy but I watched as he turned around and grabbed it himself to shake some more. So proud he can grab his own toys now when he wants to. He still doesn't usually. If I put him on the floor with toys around him he will usually not grab them unless I give them to him or unless it's a blanket. He grabs blankets a lot and in his crib he always cuddles his stuffed animals to him while sleeping. He doesn't like to play games too much. He only likes to be held or to be walked in his stroller still. But if I have him in his carrier while I cook or do things he likes to try to "help" me by grabbing things and playing with them. Yesterday I made mac and cheese and he got a kick out of the box before I opened it because it rattles with the noodles in it. He just held it with both hands and shook it till I took it away to open it. Then he played with a medal spoon and kept hitting this metal lid I had sitting on the stove top with it. Lots of noise but he had fun with it at least. I still read to him a ton. I usually read him one or two picture books in the morning and he likes to touch them and hold them but I have to be careful he doesn't rip the pages so I usually hand them to him after we finish reading them fully closed since he hasn't yet figured out how to open them and will just mouth the covers for a bit or hold them. But we spend hours everyday just either sitting in his stroller outside or walking around the house with him in his baby carrier while I read him books from my kindle. Right now we are reading all about the history of Halloween and this book even has black and white pictures in it he likes to look at and try to touch.

Because he's not sleeping lately I've forced myself to have some time for me each day despite him being awake. I have 1 hour in the afternoon and 1 in the evening where I just put him his baby carrier facing me so he can't see the TV and I either watch some TV or play some video games or sometimes just surf the internet for a bit. He's ok since he's being held and I get a little bit of downtime. Then each afternoon for 2 hours I put him down for a "nap." Sometimes he sleeps off and on and sometimes he just cries the whole time but either way I just watch him on the baby monitor and let him cry while I do chores around the house. This has been a miracle for me. Gives me 2 hours a day of fun time and 2 hours a day to get things done despite his refusing to sleep lately. Plus if the weather is not horrible I try to take him for a morning walk and an afternoon walk each day which gives us both some fresh air and the walking destresses me a bit when my nerves start to fray from listening to him cry all day.

We are going camping tonight at Teardrop Lake. I'm both nervous and excited about it. Got tons of warm weather gear for us and the baby so we should be OK. We have a really good heater for the tent and I'm bringing the baby carrier to walk around with and the stroller so he can sit with us around the campfire. Plus he has his own little baby sleeping bag that he will sleep in with us tonight. I'm hoping he likes it. He loves going places and he loves being outside so I'm betting he'll take to camping like a little baby pro but we'll see. And it's close enough to home that if anything goes wrong or it just doesn't work out we can always just pack up and head back to the house. Read tons of articles about camping with a baby and they all said as long as you pack properly and keep baby warm it's totally safe and good for him. I'll make sure to take lots of pictures. We are also going to Yellowstone today as well. Hoping we see some buffalo.

So here's a typical day for me and Justace:

7am: Morning bottle and feeding and get him dressed for the day. Then he either plays on the floor or I carry him in the baby carrier while I drink some coffee to wake up and read my e-mails or journal.
8:15am: I put him in his baby swing where he usually cries and throws a fit while I take a shower and get dressed for the day. Sometimes if I'm lucky he'll fall asleep in the swing for a bit.
9:15am: Story time. We pick out a couple picture books and sit on the floor while he practices sitting in my lap and I read him books.
10am: Morning walk and then sit outside in the stroller while I read to him.
11am: Put him in his baby carrier while I have some mommy time.
12pm: Naptime while I do chores around the house and take out dinner.
2:30pm: Afternoon walk and then sit outside and read for a bit.
3:30pm: Another feeding in the high chair and then playtime on the floor or I might hold him while I sing to him if he's fussy and sometimes if he starts making sleepy eyes I may put him down for another short nap in the early evening.
5pm: He plays on the floor or in his crib while I make dinner.
6pm: He's in his swing again usually crying while the adults eat dinner.
6:30pm: Bathtime and get in PJs
7pm: Carry him around until he falls asleep then put him to bed.
10pm: Wake up for his last bottle and then bedtime for both of us.

I also want to start getting him out of the house more so I have a plan. Tuesdays will be library day. Wednesdays or Thursdays we will go to the grocery store and do some shopping. Sundays will be church. And then just anytime we have an opportunity to go somewhere we will. Oh and on Josh's days off if the weather is ok I will take him to the park in the afternoons. Any other ideas for things to do or places to take him? Kind of limited living out here in Ashton since we can't afford to be driving to the Rexburg or Idaho Falls to do things.

Photo Monday

 His first food, besides rice cereal, was squash. He loves it. But then so far he has also loved bananas and peas. I think he just loves food in general.

 We celebrated our 4th anniversary together Sunday. These are gifts. He got me really nice snow boots so I can go outside in the snow this winter and not come back in with frozen toes. He also got a shotgun for himself to start going hunting with this season and I have a new laptop on layaway that I should hopefully get in the next month or two.

 Rubber Ducky!

Josh took us out to this really nice restaurant in Idaho Falls called The Cellar. They specialize in wine and they had delicious food and great music. It was very sweet and romantic. We ended it though with cake and wine, an anniversary tradition.

 Justace just learned to roll over onto his tummy and won't sleep any other way now.

 I love you rubber ducky.

 He's getting better at holding his own bottle.

 Fall leaves on our steps.

I should really rake these. Lol.

Supermama

My name is Brittony and I am a Supermama-wanna-be.

I admit that I am powerless over the desire to be-all and do-all, my life has become unmanageable.

I am done trying to fix myself and instead come to that Power greater than myself that alone can restore me to sanity amid the laundry and dirty dishes, tantrums of a toddler and chaos around me.

I choose to turn my desire to lead a perfect life on the arm of my perfect husband with my perfect kids in my perfect house over to the care of God.

Oh, how I wish I could skip this step: that searching moral inventory of myself that has led me to such fear of failure! (Deep breath...)
I admit to God, my husband, my children, my family, and friends that I have presented a facade of perfection that has slowly begun to crack, leaving me emotionally and mentally unstable and very nearly clinically insane!

I will continually make amends with my children when I am impatient, with my husband when I am selfish, and with all others when I am characteristically moody, mean, and menopause-ish.

I am ready for God to take over in His transforming work, to re-shape and re-mold me into a vessel that will only be devoid of defects on that day of presentation before my Creator.

God, take control.

I surrender to you my fantasy of having a phone-booth-morphing-moment in exchange for those quiet times with you, where You will teach me and speak to me, encourage and strengthen me, and answer my cries for help.

I will share my humiliating experiences and lessons in humility to other Supermama-wanna-be's and will practice honesty in all my shared life stories that together we might be transformed more and more into Your image and not settle for some hour-glass shaped caricature with a personality complex.

My name is now Mama. Just . . . mama. 

- Saw this on sortacrunchy.typepad.com and wanted to share it. Written by Dina

19 Weeks

So Justace was sleeping hardly at all during the day until a few days ago. The past few days he's taken a couple long naps during the day. Wondering if he might be growing through a growth spurt. He was also spitting up a ton so I took him to see the doctor yesterday. He checks out perfectly healthy but Doc said most likely he's eating too much so I am only feeding him 4 oz a bottle now instead of the 6 oz I was giving him.

He sleeps through the night...sort of. He'll go a couple nights where he sleeps real well and then have a bad night and then back to sleeping again. But I think he is getting more used to his crib. Still screams when I put him down but it's taking less time for him to fall asleep. Took 2 hours at first. Now it's usually closer to 15 minutes or so.

He's mastered rolling onto his tummy now and won't sleep any other way now. I still put him down on his back but he just immediately rolls over onto his tummy. I guess it's more comfortable that way?

I know for someone who has never done it, considering that was me not very long ago, being a mom with no job seems like an easy and lazy thing to do. People think all we do is watch TV and lay around all day. But being a mom, even without a job, is the hardest thing I've ever done. I love it more than anything but it's exhausting. Josh and I had a really good talk...well, honestly, it was more him talking and me crying and listening. But basically, what he made me realize, is I am stretching myself too far with everything. I feel like I have to be a mom 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. I feel I have to devote all my time to Justace and if I put him down to do something for myself I feel way guilty. It's hard enough to put him down so I can cook or clean but putting him down so I can watch TV or play a game or even just take a nap is out of the question. So by the end of the day I'm just exhausted and I haven't felt like myself since Justace was born. I feel as though I'm not me anymore. And so...the past few days...after our late night talk/cry session... (yes I'm still a girl and have crazy hormones) I have MADE time for me. Even if it's just 30 minutes of playing a video game or watching a movie at night after he's in bed or ignoring the mess in the house and taking a long afternoon nap instead when he falls asleep. And, doing this, and not feeling guilty about it, has made me feel so much better.

Photo Monday

 Trying to get him to nap in his crib isn't working so well yet but he will konk out in his baby carrier while I'm doing chores and things.

 What's this Mom? A book?

 First baby food we tried was squash. Made it in the baby bullet Josh bought while I was still pregnant. He LOVES it!

Bella relaxes on the heater, her favorite place to be in wintertime. It's still autumn but we had a cold front come through so it's felt like winter here the past week.

 Justace all messy after his first feeding of rice cereal. Hadn't quite mastered how to get the food in his mouth yet.

 Sleep time in crib. We surrounded him with blankets on all sides and he seemed to like that better than the bars. Left to right: Teddy, Justace, Bella. She likes sleeping in the crib with him and since she's quiet and leaves him alone I let her.

 Justace in his baby carrier. Been wearing him and walking around the house since it's too cold for long walks outside.

 Justace eating his onesie when I was trying to change him. Everything goes in the mouth now.

 Justace in his little bassinet for the last time.

 Feeding a bottle to get him used to the high chair. He HATED it at first until he figured out it was for meal times and now he sits quietly and waits for me to get him his food.

18 Weeks

Justace just keeps getting stronger and stronger. Took him to the doctor this week for his 4 month check up and shots. He is 24.5 inches long and weighs 15.8 lbs which means he's short for his age right now but the exact average weight for his age. Doc said he's perfectly healthy - not underfed or overfed. The nurses couldn't believe how strong he is. It took 3 to hold his legs down to give him the shots. They said his legs are pure muscle which doesn't surprise me with how much kicking he does all the time. Plus we practice standing on my lap a lot too. Started feeding him rice cereal a couple days ago. I try to feed him this twice a day. He's taking to it like a champ. He even opens his mouth for the spoon and everything now. Next week plan on introducing him to peas and squash.

I feel good. Back to my pre-pregnancy self for the most part I think now.

We had a cold front come through yesterday and it's supposed to stay cold and get colder now. The big problem with this is that Justace loves going outside and going for walks in his stroller but we can't be outside that much anymore if it's really cold. So when he starts screaming and nothing else will calm him I have no idea what to do now. Stroller walks have been my savior. They calm him down and make him happy. But I do not know what to do if I can't take him for walks. We only have one car so I can't take him for car rides because Josh has it at work almost all the time.

Photo Monday

 Here let me help you out of that.

 Mom get this hat off my head!

 Exhausted after his 4 month shots.

 Crib training is exhausting for both of us. He always kicks his socks off when he throws tantrums.

 Justace with Hunter and Jesse.

 Justace at a small model of Trolley Square in Salt Lake City.

 Grandma Kym holds Justace while Kitty looks on.

 The window display at Pottery Barn Kids. I thought it was awesome.

 Future photographer?

 Tummy time or nap time?

 Justace on the floor while babysitting.

 Lil Pirate with crazy hair!

 Justace in the jumper his Grandma Kym got for him.

A tiny little kitchen for little ones.