Let's Dance

I've always hated dancing. I have two left feet and no rhythm. I hate dance clubs. They are too loud and too crowded with too much smoke and strobe lights. They say life is like a dance. I agree. Feels like the world keeps spinning and I'm getting dizzy.

In elementary school and even a bit in middle school I remember forced dances in the school gym where all the boys and girls tried to stay on opposite sides of the gym from each other. I always avoided all school dances including my senior prom. The only school dance I remember attending was one homecoming dance in high school. My mother practically forced me to go. I went with my best friend and her crush (who much later in life turned out to be gay). When there I met up with this quiet handsome mysterious guy in our creative class, whose parents also forced him to go and who also does not dance. However, in order to get my friend and her date to try it we dared them to dance together if we would both dance together. So my first awkward dance with a boy ended up being with the one I would marry one day, even though at the time we only did it as a joke.




Samantha, myself, and her date, Ross at homecoming the one year I went.




Dad and I dancing at RenFest in Houston. He's probably kill me if he knew I posted this.

In college I thought it might be fun to take a ballroom dancing class. I had a friend who was loads of fun who talked me into it. He had a ball. (Pun intended). Meanwhile, I spent the whole semester stepping on toes and getting out of step with the dance. I spent so many extra hours with the teacher trying to learn and not getting it. I think he ended up giving me a C in that class out of pity more than anything else.

The only time I remember dancing and having any fun at all was one summer just before I discovered my pregnancy. Josh, Tristan, Robert and I built a bonfire in the pasture out back. We had bbq for dinner and lots and lots of beer while listening to country music. I got kind of drunk and danced the night away. I remember the flames licking the stars in the night sky and just feeling so free and having so much fun. Not long after that our lives changed when a pregnancy test came back positive.

And today, my little man and I dance every single day. When music comes on he moves his little body and his little head. He's still small enough I can pick him up and spin him around. Dancing with a toddler is pure joy. There's no judgment about how you look or if you misstep...just pure innocent fun and joy.

Winter Play

Tiny soft hands covered in red mittens. These miniscule mittens keep those precious hands warm, protect from the icy cold that otherwise would turn them purple and frigid. Sometimes covered in ice and snow from when Justace picks up these things to play with, they are often kept near the fire to dry and warm up before his next great outdoor adventure.

A little man full of mischief and laughter and so many big emotions my son can not handle playing inside or playing quietly or doing arts and crafts. My son must run and jump and twirl in circles and climb. He must explore and discover. Wintertime proves torture for both he and I but we always find a small amount of time, even if it's just 15 minutes on the coldest days, to go outside to play. And his winter wear...his mittens, hat, coat and snowsuit...they all prove good friends to both of us during the long cold winters. Good friends until thrown in the closet, forgotten, once the flowers begin blooming again and the trees sprout their new leaves. Then, there they will sit, covered in dust, until the next little one claims them as his or her helpers during the freezing winter.

Treasure

These are some of my treasures. This is my teddy bear from when I was little. He's all torn up and old but still a treasure.

Petals from the very first roses Josh ever bought me.

Kept in the box of a box of chocolates he got me our first Valentines as a couple.

Valentines Day

I would like to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day. I don't care that everyone says it's a holiday for stores to steal our money. This is one girl who loves chocolate and roses and anything stuffed and cuddly. Secret - half the stuffed animals in Justace's pile were mine first.

However, I'm not a fan of turning the holiday into some big to do for couples. I remember year after year growing up of secretly hoping I had some secret admirer and being disappointed year after year while watching all the beautiful girls in class get cards and chocolates and flowers. And, growing into adulthood, this didn't change much in the work place either. I grew to resent the holiday.

And then...Josh Jackson happened. Josh, despite his outward personality, is inside a huge romantic, probably more so than I am even. Our first Valentines Day I received a bouquet of roses at my desk at work as well as a giant singing card. I was super embarrassed by all the gifts but also so happy...my first roses ever! I got home to giant stuffed animals in random places...one stuffed in the washer I discovered and more all over the apartment. Another Valentines he made us a beautiful 2 person dinner complete with chocolate martinis. Another he bought me a dress and jewelry and took me out to a beautiful fancy restaurant. He's pretty much the best at surprise and romance.

This year we both agreed not to do anything in order to save money. I made cookies and home made cards for a few friends but that is all. And honestly, I think way too much pressure is put on this one day of the year to make it the perfect romantic day and there is too much room for disappointment in it. I think, instead, we should devote every single day of the year to showing our love not only to our significant other but to all the loved ones in our lives. And so I promise I will do one thing, even if it's something very small like just texting him I love you to show my love every day of the year.