Resolutions

I hate New Years Resolutions. It's too much stress trying to keep them every single day and then giving up after I fail repeatedly. So I am just going to try and work on some things I hope to make different by the end of the year.

1. More date nights with Josh. At least once a month I want us to get a baby sitter and go out and do something together just the two of us, even if it's just dinner and a movie.

2. Work out of course although I haven't got this one totally down in the details yet. First, I need work out clothes since I don't have any. Then there's a gym here in Ashton and one in St. Anthony for Sheriff's Office employees only. I'm thinking either before or after work on my work days I will go to that gym and on days I have off I can go to the Ashton gym. I at least want to start running again and will probably need to lift weights a few times a week as well.

3. I want to journal more - hopefully every single evening before bed so I can keep a running tab on how my days are going this year and also have something to vent to about things without talking Josh's ear off, especially since a lot of the worst things at work I'm not allowed to discuss with anyone outside of work.

4. I also want to take a photo every day this year. There's a project called Project 365 that I want to be a part of. It's just that - to take a photo a day for 1 year.

5. I want to do 1 act of kindness a day if possible but at least 1 a week for sure. I need to do this and keep a gratitude journal this year to focus more on helping others and the things I'm thankful for in my life and stop being so negative.

6. As a part of the being more grateful resolution I also want to send out at least 1 thank you card to someone each week who has helped me in some way or who I am just grateful for being in my life.

7. I want to continue to keep up this blog although I will have less time for it now. I am going to make it a goal to write a minimum of one entry a week on here as well as updating photos once a week.

8. Now that Josh bought me a photo printer and photo paper for Christmas I have no excuse anymore to not work on my scrapbook so I resolve to create at least 1 scrapbook page each week until I am caught up on my baby scrapbook and after that at least 1 page each month.

9. I resolve to cook or bake one dish a week, either for church on Sunday if I'm not working or make something to bring to work and share with co-workers. I want to better my cooking so I will be in charge of making breakfast and dinner on my days off as well.

10. I don't have a problem with spending time with my son but with my job I don't want that time to fall by the wayside either this year so on work days I will for sure be in charge of putting him to bed at night at least which includes bath time and a story and cuddle and on my days off I will set aside at least 30 minutes a day to focus 100 percent on just playing with him and not on chores or my to do list or anything else but only playtime with my son. Of course if I have to work a night shift I will simply have to skip time with him but that shouldn't happen very often.

11. I resolve to keep the house clean. Right now it's a disaster area so it may take a while to get it cleaned but I will at a minimum every day do dishes, take out the trash and kitty litter, make our bed, clean our nightstand, clean the kitchen and bathroom counters and each day I will focus on one room of the house and spend at least 20 minutes cleaning and decluttering that room.

12. I have a problem with being way too tomboyish as far as my looks are concerned. Living here in the country that's not really a big deal because most girls here are very tomboyish and nobody really dresses girly or anything. However, I resolve to work on bettering myself in this area this year through makeup and hair and clothes. Not all at once because it would cost a lot of money but through out the year each week I will focus on adding one more thing to my beauty list and making myself more girly and pretty.

Shooting

I am horrified by the shooting that happened today. So many school shootings and all I can ask myself is why? Is there even a reason? Is there something we are doing wrong as a society or as parents or teachers or leaders? Or is it just simply that there is pure and senseless evil in this world and that is what this was? I think the biggest thing I keep thinking is about the parents of the surviving students who were there. Those children should not have seen what they saw today. It's bad enough when our war vets, many who are only barely over 18, have to see and live through combat situations and death and the horror and pain they have to suffer forever after. But for one so young, just children, to have to live through that? Will these kids ever be the same? How does a parent handle the PTSD that is sure to follow in the coming days and weeks? I think, beyond just the parents of those who were killed, we also need to keep the parents of those who weren't in our prayers. They are going to have to really be there for their children now. Be there to hold them when they wake up from a nightmare or when they become angry or fearful of everything. Be there to shield and protect these little ones from violent images on TV or in video games which may set off violent memories of today. Be there to help them through this. This is not something children should ever have to deal with but they will have to and those parents are in my prayers.

28 Weeks

God really has a sense of humor. Sitting up there watching me fret and worry about what will happen when my unemployment runs out. All this time and hardly any interviews and the few I've had I haven't gotten the job for. And now, after having to jump through so many hurdles for this job, and a panic attack on the way to my first interview for it, I get a job! And not just a job either. A job that I believe I am well suited for and will allow me to do something useful in the community. A great paying job with great benefits working with awesome people, heros of the town really. I start work Monday morning as a police dipatcher! I am nervous. It's a new job and I do have some doubts about some aspects of it. I'm not great at maps or giving directions so I will have to work on that. I'm not great at handling stress and I know this is a very high stress job so I will have to work on that as well. But I do have a heart for people and for helping those in need. I am a great listener and a fast typer and good at getting information out of upset people. I think with time and practice and training I could be very good at this and learn to really love this job. But most important, we, our family, is going to be OK. I didn't know what would happen once my unemployment ran out. How would we pay our bills? How would we ever move out this place? And now I can dream. Dream of a house of our own for our family and not always having no money in the bank. We should be able to pay off all our debts minus the cars in two years time. We probably won't move for at least 6 months or a year to give us time to save money and pay off debts and to make absolutely sure this job is something that will work out for me.

Justace is getting into everything. He moves where he wants and he grabs what he wants, which usually means any pieces of paper or cardboard the cat has left for him. I'm constantly watching and taking small items away from him that I missed cleaning up. I've set up a chore chart that Josh and I will start using depending on who is working or off that particular day and it includes picking up and vacuuming each room every single day. Oh and he's getting much better about being left on the floor with his toys...that is until I take away a piece of trash he has picked up or focused on and then he erupts into angry tears.

Gift-Giving and Mother Link

I love Christmas. I love everything about it. I do love getting gifts and giving them but at the same time gift giving can be such a negative experience. If I know the perfect gift for a loved one that I know he or she will just love then it's a good experience. I want to give that gift to that person. But, the problem comes, when I do not know what to get for someone. It's Christmas and I have to get something and I want to get something that's perfect but I end up looking at completely random items and ideas and going yeah maybe he'd like that? Why is gift giving such a necessity this time of year? I mean sure for the kids it should be but for adults? Why can't we just give if we feel like it and if we have no good ideas not give? Last year I got Josh a gift I thought he'd love but I ordered it online and when it arrived it turned out to be so cheaply made and awful we ended up sending it back. This year I still haven't decided what to get him and the stress is killing me. I want to get him that perfect gift that he will love but what is it? Why can't we simply do the Christmas traditions like decorating the tree together and looking at lights and listening to Christmas music while drinking cocoa and eating cookies? Being together as a family should be more important than finding the perfect present. I like what my parents tried to do in later years and think maybe we will stick to that. Get one present he wants and one present he needs. So, for example, for Justace we could get him a toy and some PJs that actually fit.

Also, I wanted to share something I read online. I read an article, some new research, that shows that sometimes the cells from a baby will travel to a mother's brain while in utero and vice versa. This literally means that a mother has a part of her child in her and the child can have a part of his or her mother inside him or her. I absolutely love this bit of research. You always hear people say I'm in your heart, even after death you carry your loved one with you inside but this literally proves it. I think perhaps it might even help explain why, as mothers, we feel such a strong connection to our children. Because we literally have part of them inside of us and are linked biologically to them even before birth. For example, when I hear Justace cry it tears my heart up. It kills me. When I hear another baby cry my emotions stay in check and I remain mostly calm. If I'm babysitting for someone else and their baby cries the only real emotions I feel for that child is oh no why is he crying? I need to figure out what is wrong and fix it. Whereas if it's my own child I actually feel his pain inside of me and it's harder to stay calm and focused or to ignore it if I know nothing is really wrong.

27 Weeks

Honestly, not much to say this week. He's still right on the verge of crawling but not there yet. However he can scoot anywhere he wants to go fairly quickly. He's eating solids and expanding his tastes. He LOVES avacado. Still not sitting. Not sure if he knows his name or not. I think the problem is Josh had started calling him Tubby as a nickname all the time because he loves to eat so much and for a while there he was short and a bit chubby and constantly growing. He's evened out more now but the nickname stuck so if you say Tubby he recognizes that but not as much Justace. So we are trying to stop callin him that and use his name more often. He's really good now at reaching for whatever toys he wants. I can put him down on the floor with a bunch of toys and things and he will roll and scoot his way to what he wants to play with and grab it and of course stick it in his mouth. My mom had given us a bunch of toys a while back that he couldn't play with yet but I just took them all out and he loves them. He still doesn't fully understand how they work but he likes hitting them to make them make noise and stuff. I've started making his bath time longer now. It doesn't take more than a couple minutes to wash him off or even rinse his hair but once that's done I let him stay in for a while and play in the water and with his bath toys. He seems to really like that. I feed him solids 2-3 times a day right now if I can, if we are home during the day. However he's recently decided to reach for the spoon and bowl and food and so makes a huge mess during each feeding. While this is hilarious to watch it's not as fun when feeding time is over and he needs to be cleaned up. I'm debating whether maybe I should just feed him once a day, right before his bath time, so I can just take his dirty self and stick him in the bath. He loves eating but it's just such a huge mess. And besides bottles are still where he gets the majority of his nutrition from.

He still doesn't have any teeth but he's drooling a ton and the doctor said he thought he might have felt one on the top of his gums during his appointment but he wasn't sure. I'm hoping maybe once he gets his first teeth and begins to crawl the fussiness will get better.

Santa Clause is Real

Dear Editor--

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, "If you see it in The Sun, it's so." Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

- Virginia O'Hanlon, 115 West Ninety-fifth street.


Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Editorial by Francis Pharcellus Church

Photo Monday

 Justace and Frankie are best friends. They are always playing together.

 And sleeping together.

 I got the new Lord of the Rings lego game for my birthday and it came with this little guy - a little lego version of Elrond.

Christmas treats.