Twelve Years of Slave

Just finished reading Twelve Years a Slave by Solomon Northup. This book, written in 1853 by a man kidnapped in the North and sold into slavery in the South where he lived as a slave for some very harsh men for 12 years before finally being saved by one gentleman who risked his life in order to try and free Northup. Didn't know it at the time but just found out they are making this into a movie this year which will star Brad Pitt and Benedict Cumberbatch (who plays Sherlock Holmes in a recent TV series and also played the most recent Star Trek movie.) I'm very excited to see the movie when it comes out.

I like the book because it had a happy ending. Don't get me wrong...now and then I like a book that makes me cry. I love Jodi Piccoult when I really just want a good cry but deep down when I read a book I want a happy ending. I want to know that despite all the suffering and fear and awful things that happen it all ends right eventually. And the fact that this isn't fiction but a real life account of what he experienced makes it all the more happy at the end when he is at last reunited with his family after all the years of torture and hardship he endured. Makes me feel like no matter how bad my life gets it's not that bad and hopefully in the end it will all be OK again.

Also, there are some definite good and definite bad guys in the story. I like stories where you can clearly see the villians and the heroes. I like to hate that horrible bad guy and love that good guy who saves the day.

4th of July

Watched the fireworks at the local high school. Justace was fascinated by them.

Waiting for fireworks to start...he couldn't figure out why we were up and out after his bedtime.

Justace with a Fat Baby from the show Doctor Who.

Justace hangs out with little Hunter and Tristan during the fireworks show.

Fitness Monday

Two weeks of healthy eating and one week of running and I have lost exactly 0 lbs so far. Still 120 lbs. While this is frustrating I am trying to remember I just have to stick with it for a while to see results. In basic training I was the same weight when I graduated as when I went in but it was all muscle and no fat. Ran 2.2 miles in 30 minutes today. Pushups and the rest went out the window this past week so I will try again this week. It helps having someone to keep me accountable...and to feel a bit competitive with too...I def try to run faster when Josh is there than on my own.

Circus

A small circus came by Ashton July 3 and of course I begged for tickets to go so Josh managed to get us 2 tickets (justace was free as always). Justace had a great time watching the lion and tiger and horses and dogs and clowns. He watched until the very end even though it was so hot I almost passed out for a bit there. It was fun though.

Thanks!

I am thankful for:

1. Josh pushing me to go running at the track with him. I know it's good for both of us even if it feels like hell at the moment. Just a couple weeks and the worst part will be over.

2. An amazing husband! Seriously...amazing! Heading up blood drives in town, volunteering for VBS, becoming a Lutheran, best daddy in the world and even after a terribly long day at the blood drive comes home and comes to the bedroom to give me a kiss hello and also goodnight.

3. Friends who go out of their way to get me boxes and boxes of different kinds of syrup just because of one tiny comment I made one time about loving different types of syrup at IHOP. Sooooo many waffles for breakfasts now.

4. Feeling less depressed and less panicked than I was before...is working out and making friends and talking to others helping? Perhaps.

5. Aspen learning to sit finally! And fun times playing fetch outside with the dogs while Justace laughs and plays.

Health

Josh has decided to start a diet and exercise plan for us. We've been eating healthy and keeping track of calories for about a week. According to my personal goal I can only eat 1250 calories a day in order for me to lose 1 lb per week. Of course that is assuming I don't work out. If I work out, the amount of calories I can eat goes up. I hate it! I hate eating healthy. I miss normal food...my spaghetti or burgers or tacos or anything yummy! So far I have not lost any weight at all even though I've been so good about not going over my calories each day. I do still allow myself one or two cups of coffee a day though and most of my calories come from breakfast. I eat a huge yummy breakfast on work days in order for me to work all day and not run out of steam or get hungry. Plus, a friend has bought me TONS of different kinds of syrups in all different flavors so I like to eat waffles and try out the different flavors.

This morning was the first day of working out for us and it SUCKED! I always hear everyone talk about the "runners high" but I'm not buying it. I hate running. First, it's boring. Second, it's just miserable. All I could think of was how much pain I was in the whole time and I didn't even run the whole time. We basically ran as much as we could and then if we needed to stop and walk for a bit did so. The point was just to get out there and run or walk for 30 minutes. I ran/walked 2 miles in 30 minutes. I'm pretty sure that's slower than  I ever ran in the Air Force. I ran two laps...1/2 a mile...without stopping but after 2 laps I was dying and had to walk for a bit and then fluctuated the rest of the time between running and walking. By the end my side hurt and my lungs burned and my nose wouldn't stop running. But...as much as I HATE working out and being healthy I am going to stick with it because I really want to lose weight in my belly area and get in shape so I can feel confident in my own skin again. As it is I'm embarrassed to wear any clothes that show any skin. The plan is for us to run Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings and to ride bikes for 30 minutes Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays but the bikes will have to wait because we can't afford to get the repairs done on ours until after August 1st.

Just so we can keep track of my progress...Right now I weigh 120 lbs. I apparently run a 14 minute mile. I can do 3 pushups, 18 situps, 3 squats and 3 dips. Yes, I know, I am super crazy out of shape but hopefully if I keep with it these numbers will eventually get less disappointing.

Mary or Martha?

Yesterday in church the pastor talked about being Mary vs being Martha. I'll be honest...I was busy trying to hush Justace and probably only heard half of what was said in the pulpit, if that but it did make me think. I've changed so much in the past 10 years or so and not, I think, in good ways. I used to be Mary. I used to be so in love with Jesus and so passionate about my faith. I loved going to church. During worship I sang with all my heart straight to God. Nothing distracted me and I didn't care about anything else. I loved going to Bible studies and learning and talking and asking questions. I loved putting God's word into practice in my daily life.

Today, I'm nothing like Mary. I'm Martha to a tee! I am always moving, always busy. I am always cleaning or organizing or doing something. Having friends over just stresses me out instead of being fun. Instead of just relaxing and talking and having a good time I get so worried about the state of the house or if the food is good or what to say because I have a hard time talking. Even when I force myself to sit down and "relax" I'm not really relaxed at all. I sit there and think about all the things that need doing that I'm not doing in that moment.

I need to stop this. It's OK to keep the house clean and have schedules but I need to be flexible. If I have a pile of dirty laundry and a sink full of dirty dishes and toys scattered all over the floor because I just spent a really great day out with my husband and son and created lasting memories and really fully lived the day and enjoyed every minute isn't that more important in the long run than having a clean home?