Monday, July 30, 2012
Under Water
Photos
Thursday, July 26, 2012
8 Weeks
Wow! I can't believe Justace is almost 2 months old already! He's doing well I think. He recently starting having a problem with gas though. For a long time I thought I was one of the lucky moms because he didn't hardly ever spit up but not anymore. Now he gets gas everyday and spits up everyday...usually all over my shirt or in my cleavage. I wear a blanket when I burp him but somehow right before he spits up he always ends up moving his head over my shirt that's not covered and right into my boobs. Let me tell you how awesome that is- not at all! But I feel bad because in the evening times usually he gets gas. I know it's gas because he's fussy and screaming like he's in pain but he'll have a clean diaper and he'll have just eaten. Usually after a while he'll let out a really good burp or he'll fart and then he calms down and is happy again. Poor little guy. Josh's parents bought me some special bottles that you put these little baggies in. They are supposed to keep air bubbles out. I need to start using those to hopefully help him. I should probably also keep him sitting up for 30 minutes after each feeding. I was doing that before. I would put him in his swing for 30 minutes but I felt like he was spending too much time sitting in his swing and not enough time playing on the floor and developing those muscles. We bought him a play gym and he loves it but the problem is he's usually only awake and playful for 15 or 20 minutes after his feedings and then he's tired and needs another nap so if I put him in his swing for 30 minutes each time he will never do anything besides sit in there when he's awake. I've also tried doing little exercise positions to help with gas...moving his legs like a bicycle. Shay gave me some gas drops for him so maybe I can start giving him that after each feeding as well. Or at least at night time anyway.
I've found I'm not stressed hardly at all anymore. I've gotten used to taking care of Justace round the clock and I don't mind it at all. Even his crying I've gotten used to. I don't panic when he cries anymore. I just take care of all his needs and if he's still crying I either hold him and walk around with him or I put him in his bassinet and rock him and read to him. Eventually...usually after 45 minutes or so...he will fall asleep even during his more loud screaming sessions. I get some much needed me time when he sleeps during the day. He takes several naps during the morning and afternoon time so I spend that time doing me stuff - either napping or cleaning the house or cooking or playing Lego Batman 2. And after a couple hours of that I am refreshed and ready for him when he wakes up again. Even at night when he's screaming for hours I am usually ok because I've learned it only lasts a few hours and by 8 or 10 he'll pass out and sleep until around 4 or 5 in the morning. He's changed so much since his first day home from the hospital. I'm trying to take pictures every day and I write in my journal everyday about how he's doing. But it still feels like he's growing up way too fast. I just want to keep him tiny and cute and my baby boy forever. I don't want him to grow up....especially now that there's a possibility I might not be able to have any more after him. If that happens we will most likely adopt at least one more little one later in life so he has a sibling. But that wouldn't be for a long time yet and I might still be able to have another of my own in the future.
I have my colposcopy appointment in 5 days. I am really really nervous. I hate doctors and I hate all the tests and needles and poking and prodding. I thought after I had Justace it would get easier because nothing could be worse than childbirth but it's not easier. I'm still scared of it all. And unlike pap smears which take all of 5 minutes and are just uncomfortable colposcopy's take like 45 minutes and are painful. I'm going to cry I'm sure. I wish I could take an anxiety medication or just get drunk before I go in. Blah. But hopefully it'll come back this time with more positive results and I won't need treatment.
I have started doing pushups and situps and squats and dips 3 times a week in addition to walking several times a day. I don't feel ready to try jogging again just yet. I tried yoga for my back pain but I find it so incredibly boring I gave up on it. Once the gym opens in September I plan on going back and jogging on the treadmill and using the weight machines. Haven't decided if I'll bring Justace and leave him in his car seat or have Josh watch him at home.
The boys...Tristan and Josh and Allen...and Josh's parents a bit...are fixing up the house. We've pretty much accepted that at least for now we are stuck living here since we don't have to pay rent and our finances are so awful. So they are completely rewiring the whole house so the power stops going out. We are redoing the walls in the living room and putting ceiling fans in all the rooms. They are replacing the toilet and tearing the carpet up in the bathroom to replace with tile. At some point we are going to tear up all the carpet in the house and replace it. We are going to paint all the walls and the cupboards in the kitchen. We are going to put doors up in the house again and they are putting in a new and hopefully better heating system. Tristan will probably move in upstairs. Depending on how long we end up having to live here we may possibly add a room or two onto the house. Also Josh's parents are talking about buying us a horse for Justace to ride when he gets a little older. I'm like seriously? We're buying him a pony? Talk about spoiled! But we've got the room for one and they said they can get one for fairly cheap and they know someone here who can provide us with hay for not very much money as well.
I've found I'm not stressed hardly at all anymore. I've gotten used to taking care of Justace round the clock and I don't mind it at all. Even his crying I've gotten used to. I don't panic when he cries anymore. I just take care of all his needs and if he's still crying I either hold him and walk around with him or I put him in his bassinet and rock him and read to him. Eventually...usually after 45 minutes or so...he will fall asleep even during his more loud screaming sessions. I get some much needed me time when he sleeps during the day. He takes several naps during the morning and afternoon time so I spend that time doing me stuff - either napping or cleaning the house or cooking or playing Lego Batman 2. And after a couple hours of that I am refreshed and ready for him when he wakes up again. Even at night when he's screaming for hours I am usually ok because I've learned it only lasts a few hours and by 8 or 10 he'll pass out and sleep until around 4 or 5 in the morning. He's changed so much since his first day home from the hospital. I'm trying to take pictures every day and I write in my journal everyday about how he's doing. But it still feels like he's growing up way too fast. I just want to keep him tiny and cute and my baby boy forever. I don't want him to grow up....especially now that there's a possibility I might not be able to have any more after him. If that happens we will most likely adopt at least one more little one later in life so he has a sibling. But that wouldn't be for a long time yet and I might still be able to have another of my own in the future.
I have my colposcopy appointment in 5 days. I am really really nervous. I hate doctors and I hate all the tests and needles and poking and prodding. I thought after I had Justace it would get easier because nothing could be worse than childbirth but it's not easier. I'm still scared of it all. And unlike pap smears which take all of 5 minutes and are just uncomfortable colposcopy's take like 45 minutes and are painful. I'm going to cry I'm sure. I wish I could take an anxiety medication or just get drunk before I go in. Blah. But hopefully it'll come back this time with more positive results and I won't need treatment.
I have started doing pushups and situps and squats and dips 3 times a week in addition to walking several times a day. I don't feel ready to try jogging again just yet. I tried yoga for my back pain but I find it so incredibly boring I gave up on it. Once the gym opens in September I plan on going back and jogging on the treadmill and using the weight machines. Haven't decided if I'll bring Justace and leave him in his car seat or have Josh watch him at home.
The boys...Tristan and Josh and Allen...and Josh's parents a bit...are fixing up the house. We've pretty much accepted that at least for now we are stuck living here since we don't have to pay rent and our finances are so awful. So they are completely rewiring the whole house so the power stops going out. We are redoing the walls in the living room and putting ceiling fans in all the rooms. They are replacing the toilet and tearing the carpet up in the bathroom to replace with tile. At some point we are going to tear up all the carpet in the house and replace it. We are going to paint all the walls and the cupboards in the kitchen. We are going to put doors up in the house again and they are putting in a new and hopefully better heating system. Tristan will probably move in upstairs. Depending on how long we end up having to live here we may possibly add a room or two onto the house. Also Josh's parents are talking about buying us a horse for Justace to ride when he gets a little older. I'm like seriously? We're buying him a pony? Talk about spoiled! But we've got the room for one and they said they can get one for fairly cheap and they know someone here who can provide us with hay for not very much money as well.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Peaceful/Why I love the country
1. Sitting on porch watching the sunset with a glass of wine with Josh.
2. Church
3. Justace sleeping
4. Fishing
5. Mountain views
6. Listening to the rain
7. Sun shining in through my bedroom window when I wake in the morning
8. Sitting under a tree reading a book
9. Horses and Pippin laying in the grass enjoying the sunshine
2. Church
3. Justace sleeping
4. Fishing
5. Mountain views
6. Listening to the rain
7. Sun shining in through my bedroom window when I wake in the morning
8. Sitting under a tree reading a book
9. Horses and Pippin laying in the grass enjoying the sunshine
Monday, July 23, 2012
Photo Monday
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Debt
It's hard having so much debt. The feeling of shame is almost crippling...especially from my parents who worked so hard to teach me not to get into any debt. I don't want them, or anyone else in my life, to know about how bad things are. But I also don't know how to get out of this situation. We are even considering bankruptcy as a possibility right now. The whole thing just seems so hopeless. We can't avoid the problem or deny it exists or spend all our time hating ourselves for the mistakes we've made. None of those will solve anything. More than anything in the world I want to be free of debt. Life would be so much easier and less stressful if we could get rid of all these payments we have to make each month. We need some kind of plan to get out of this.
1. We owe money on our car, credit cards Josh had used up in the military, credit we used for the wedding, hospital bills from Justace and the motorcycle. We also owe for my student loans as well.
2. I'm not really sure where we can cut our spending. Right now we cut as much as we can out already. We don't eat out hardly ever and when we do it's always somewhere cheap. We cook our own food. We have a food card we use. We only use gas for the car when we have to. We got rid of all but the basic channels on TV. We need our internet and electricity. That pretty much covers it. I'm not sure what we can cut.
1. We owe money on our car, credit cards Josh had used up in the military, credit we used for the wedding, hospital bills from Justace and the motorcycle. We also owe for my student loans as well.
2. I'm not really sure where we can cut our spending. Right now we cut as much as we can out already. We don't eat out hardly ever and when we do it's always somewhere cheap. We cook our own food. We have a food card we use. We only use gas for the car when we have to. We got rid of all but the basic channels on TV. We need our internet and electricity. That pretty much covers it. I'm not sure what we can cut.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Junk Food
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