I'm not sure if Justace is developing at the right speed or not. It seems like some milestones he reached so early and then others he's almost 6 months old and still not there yet. He's not sitting up yet. He's not crawling although he seems like he's really trying to. He doesn't respond to his name. He does scoot around the room and he does grab toys by himself now. I can leave him on the floor with toys and he'll take what he wants on his own and play with it. And he talks a ton. He barely lets me get a word in. I figure I'll give it a few more months and see. He should be sitting and crawling and stuff by 8 months for sure right?
I left Justace with Shay and her baby yesterday while Josh and I went out to eat for my birthday. I think it would do Justace a world of good to be around other babies more and learn he's not the only being in the universe. Shay said there was some jealousy issues between the two but I think once or twice a week I'm going to start going over there and hanging out with them. First, because I need more girl friends and I like Shay and second I think it would be good for both babies. Maybe Mackaya will even teach Justace to crawl. I think between hanging out with other babies and library story time and church that is enough activities for him to hopefully be around others. I'm a little afraid of him getting spoiled. Plus, if I get this job like I hope we plan on putting him in daycare which will also help I think.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Photo Monday
Thursday, November 22, 2012
25 Weeks
Holy crap! He's not crawling still but boy can he move. He might as well be crawling. I put him down and between rolling and scooting he can pretty much go anywhere he wants to go in the house if I don't watch him, including the kitty litter box! So even though he's not crawling I have to watch him like a hawk every time I put him on the floor.
He's almost 6 months old. I should be a pro by now, Right? Not!!! I still have no idea what I'm doing half the time. I have this dream ideal world in my head that is so not reality. In my dream world we are the perfect little family. In my dream world he's always smiling and cooing and making us laugh and he sleeps through the whole night! In my dream world we spend lots of family time together and take long walks in the evenings after dinner. In my dream world Josh is the most attentive and caring father in the world and still manages to be the best and most attentive husband to me as well.
In the real world however Justace is constantly changing and just when I think I have him down he changes again and I'm back to being clueless and trying to figure out what to do with him and hos to respond. One minute he's laughing and smiling the and next, for seemingly no reason at all, he's in complete meltdown mode and screaming and I have no idea how to make it stop or why he suddently melted. In reality I'm not sure I will ever have a full night of sleep again! In reality the few times we've managed to all get out of the house together I spend much of the time changing diapers or feeding or holding Justace and trying to keep him from going into screaming mode. In reality my husband seems less like a romantic partner and more like nothing more than a room mate whom I argue with from time to time about differences of opinion and who much of the time I don't even have any romantic feelings for anymore.
It's helped me joining this fussy baby Web site where I can connect with other moms in the same situation and talking my own grandmother who also went through this. Not sure why but just knowing I'm not alone and there's nothing wrong with me makes me feel comforted. And I've started working on ways to cope with the stress and the screaming. I've used a combination of listening to the advice of others with ignoring the advice of others and going with my instincts with constantly changing things up. In the moments when I really begin to feel a melt down I've given him to someone else, either his father or a friend, and left to do something away from him.
This week I plan on reading more to him and doing more nursery rhymes and games. He has his doctor's appointment on the 3rd of December although I think that's actually in a couple weeks from now.
I plan on attending library story time and church this week since we missed these due to sickness the past week. Also need to baby proof!!! Till next week everyone have a happy Thanksgiving and I will update again in one week.
He's almost 6 months old. I should be a pro by now, Right? Not!!! I still have no idea what I'm doing half the time. I have this dream ideal world in my head that is so not reality. In my dream world we are the perfect little family. In my dream world he's always smiling and cooing and making us laugh and he sleeps through the whole night! In my dream world we spend lots of family time together and take long walks in the evenings after dinner. In my dream world Josh is the most attentive and caring father in the world and still manages to be the best and most attentive husband to me as well.
In the real world however Justace is constantly changing and just when I think I have him down he changes again and I'm back to being clueless and trying to figure out what to do with him and hos to respond. One minute he's laughing and smiling the and next, for seemingly no reason at all, he's in complete meltdown mode and screaming and I have no idea how to make it stop or why he suddently melted. In reality I'm not sure I will ever have a full night of sleep again! In reality the few times we've managed to all get out of the house together I spend much of the time changing diapers or feeding or holding Justace and trying to keep him from going into screaming mode. In reality my husband seems less like a romantic partner and more like nothing more than a room mate whom I argue with from time to time about differences of opinion and who much of the time I don't even have any romantic feelings for anymore.
It's helped me joining this fussy baby Web site where I can connect with other moms in the same situation and talking my own grandmother who also went through this. Not sure why but just knowing I'm not alone and there's nothing wrong with me makes me feel comforted. And I've started working on ways to cope with the stress and the screaming. I've used a combination of listening to the advice of others with ignoring the advice of others and going with my instincts with constantly changing things up. In the moments when I really begin to feel a melt down I've given him to someone else, either his father or a friend, and left to do something away from him.
This week I plan on reading more to him and doing more nursery rhymes and games. He has his doctor's appointment on the 3rd of December although I think that's actually in a couple weeks from now.
I plan on attending library story time and church this week since we missed these due to sickness the past week. Also need to baby proof!!! Till next week everyone have a happy Thanksgiving and I will update again in one week.
Reasons I Want to Work
Being a stay at home mom for almost 6 months now I have the utmost respect for these women. This has to be the hardest job I've ever done and I have so many difficult and rough days where I go to bed feeling as though I must be the worst mom in the history of the world. Stay at home mothers make so many sacrifices that nobody even notices and get no thanks or attention for. They simply do them, most without thinking twice about all they've given up for this most sacred of jobs.
I know if I ever finally do get a job that will also be difficult and a sacrifice in a whole other kind of way. I will have to give up all the time I've had with my son at home. My career will have to come before my family, or at least I will spend more time there than I will with family like I do now.
1. I will finally get alone time...sort of. I feel as though here at home someone always needs me all the time. I'm lucky if I can manage to go to the bathroom or take a shower. Having a job I will get some time away from my family many days so I can think and hopefully be more grateful and enjoy the precious hours I do get to be with them instead of taking these for granted and or even sometimes hating this time and wishing I had some time for me. I can't wait to be able to enjoy a cup of coffee at work with nobody hollering for my attention, even if only for a few minutes before my shift begins for the day. I can't wait to have a whole hour for lunch that belongs solely to me and nobody else. I'm not even sure what I will do with a whole hour of my own!
2. I crave adult time. I love my son but spending all my days with a 6 month old is making me crazy! I want some time talking to adults and having adult conversations. I feel like I'm reverting back to childhood myself at this point. Having other adult co-workers to discuss things other than children will be a welcome relief back to the world.
3. I love being a mom but I so wish I was someone in life other than just mom. Every single day nonstop without end it's all changing diapers and feeding and changing another diaper and changing clothes and cleaning spit up and doing dishes and feeding again and playing. There's no end to this long list of baby related chores. If I had a job I could have goals and work toward bettering myself and doing good at work.
4. Money! I think is probably the big one. Sometimes I get so down on myself for not helping to support our family financially. I'm not used to staying at home and not earning a paycheck to help with things like groceries and baby formula. In addition to necessities if I could earn some money for us maybe we could do more nice things like going out to eat or seeing more movies together and I wouldn't be relying solely on Josh for money. We would both be equals in that area.
5. Something else to focus on. In order to avoid insanity I need something else in my life to focus on other than just Justace.
6. Teaching Justace to be without mom or dad. He has had his mom there for him every day of his life so far. I think it would do him a great deal of good to learn how to be on his own, either with a babysitter or in daycare with lots of other kids his age. I think part of his problem may be simply that he is spoiled. He's used to always getting attention if he fusses long enough. But if he was in an environment where there were other babies he might learn his needs don't always come first.
I know if I ever finally do get a job that will also be difficult and a sacrifice in a whole other kind of way. I will have to give up all the time I've had with my son at home. My career will have to come before my family, or at least I will spend more time there than I will with family like I do now.
1. I will finally get alone time...sort of. I feel as though here at home someone always needs me all the time. I'm lucky if I can manage to go to the bathroom or take a shower. Having a job I will get some time away from my family many days so I can think and hopefully be more grateful and enjoy the precious hours I do get to be with them instead of taking these for granted and or even sometimes hating this time and wishing I had some time for me. I can't wait to be able to enjoy a cup of coffee at work with nobody hollering for my attention, even if only for a few minutes before my shift begins for the day. I can't wait to have a whole hour for lunch that belongs solely to me and nobody else. I'm not even sure what I will do with a whole hour of my own!
2. I crave adult time. I love my son but spending all my days with a 6 month old is making me crazy! I want some time talking to adults and having adult conversations. I feel like I'm reverting back to childhood myself at this point. Having other adult co-workers to discuss things other than children will be a welcome relief back to the world.
3. I love being a mom but I so wish I was someone in life other than just mom. Every single day nonstop without end it's all changing diapers and feeding and changing another diaper and changing clothes and cleaning spit up and doing dishes and feeding again and playing. There's no end to this long list of baby related chores. If I had a job I could have goals and work toward bettering myself and doing good at work.
4. Money! I think is probably the big one. Sometimes I get so down on myself for not helping to support our family financially. I'm not used to staying at home and not earning a paycheck to help with things like groceries and baby formula. In addition to necessities if I could earn some money for us maybe we could do more nice things like going out to eat or seeing more movies together and I wouldn't be relying solely on Josh for money. We would both be equals in that area.
5. Something else to focus on. In order to avoid insanity I need something else in my life to focus on other than just Justace.
6. Teaching Justace to be without mom or dad. He has had his mom there for him every day of his life so far. I think it would do him a great deal of good to learn how to be on his own, either with a babysitter or in daycare with lots of other kids his age. I think part of his problem may be simply that he is spoiled. He's used to always getting attention if he fusses long enough. But if he was in an environment where there were other babies he might learn his needs don't always come first.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Daddy Woes
I really need to vent about something. Normally I would never say anything negative about Josh because I don't believe it's right to talk about your husband or wife in a negative way to others and also people already automatically assume the worst about him even when it's not true. But I need to vent about something this once. When we brought Justace home from the hospital we started out equal sort of. He actually had more baby experience than I did and was better with Justace than I was at first. I had to ask a lot of questions and be shown how to do alot of things at first like changing diapers and feeding and dressing the baby. In the hospital before we even got to come home he was so amazing and helpful and great. And the first weeks home he was amazing and wonderful and helpful and I've never been more grateful.
But then, after a few months, he returned to work again and I was on my own at home alone with our son. He still wants to help and he still wants to take care of Justace but it's not the same as it was then. I'm home all the time with him. I see everything that happens with him. He doesn't. He's gone much of the time and has to rely on what I tell him. It feels like he's not really a part of things like he was before.
Things have begun to change in the family dynamic. I feel as though I know Justace so much better than Josh does now. Justace is growing up and changing and becoming his own person but because Josh only gets to see him a few hours each day instead of all the time like I do Josh doesn't really know our son like I do. He doesn't know what works to calm him or how much he eats or when he needs to go to sleep.
It's so good Justace gets so much time with his Mommy but I'm afraid he's missing Daddy time. I feel like he desperately needs that alone time with his dad and he's not getting enough of it. He is a good dad but I just guess I really wish he had more time with Justace. Perhaps if I get a job he will be alone more with him and that will be a good thing for both Josh and Justace I hope.
But then, after a few months, he returned to work again and I was on my own at home alone with our son. He still wants to help and he still wants to take care of Justace but it's not the same as it was then. I'm home all the time with him. I see everything that happens with him. He doesn't. He's gone much of the time and has to rely on what I tell him. It feels like he's not really a part of things like he was before.
Things have begun to change in the family dynamic. I feel as though I know Justace so much better than Josh does now. Justace is growing up and changing and becoming his own person but because Josh only gets to see him a few hours each day instead of all the time like I do Josh doesn't really know our son like I do. He doesn't know what works to calm him or how much he eats or when he needs to go to sleep.
It's so good Justace gets so much time with his Mommy but I'm afraid he's missing Daddy time. I feel like he desperately needs that alone time with his dad and he's not getting enough of it. He is a good dad but I just guess I really wish he had more time with Justace. Perhaps if I get a job he will be alone more with him and that will be a good thing for both Josh and Justace I hope.
Thanksgiving
For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
Two days until Thanksgiving...and my Aunt Gina's birthday. (I have to double check but I'm pretty sure it falls on Thanksgiving this year.) I feel somewhat connected to her since we both have Thanksgiving birthdays every 4 years or so. I think that's pretty cool. But anywho... we don't really have anything planned for Thanksgiving. Josh has to work...for the next 7 days straight! I feel bad for him having to work retail for 7 days without a break during the worst time of the whole year. He hasn't decided if we will join our friends Christine and Scott and Logan or Ally and Brett for Thanksgiving. We have invitations from both and I am just grateful we have friends here willing to share this time of year with us.
Remembering back on old Thanksgivings I remember so much yummy food. I remember Dad cooking, something we all looked forward to I think. He was a great cook but he never cooked much since he worked a lot...except on holidays and sometimes on weekends. Those were rare treats. We didn't really have any traditions I can remember other than eating until we were full to bursting, which is a pretty good one I think. I loved all the traditional foods we ate...the turkey all moist and delicious smothered in gravy and the mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. I loved even the rolls with butter on them and the pumpkin pie. I was never a fan of sweet potatoes or cranberries though. I know I know I'm unAmerican.
This time of year, having a baby for the first time, and seperated from all my family and friends back home, I feel a little bit homesick. I am very grateful for the friends we've made here but I do wish Justace could meet his Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Ashlie. I wish we could all be together just once a year. But it's too hard in these times to get the money for plane tickets and hotels and whatnot so we will just have to make do.
We have our own little family now. Me and Josh and Justace and of course let's not forget Frankie and Bella and Pip. They are family too. And I want to start our own traditions but other than food, I'm really not coming up with any ideas for Thanksgiving for us. As Justace gets bigger I'd like to take a photo of him with the turkey each year to show his growth and whatnot. And I wish his Dad was going to be home with us for Thanksgiving but we need the money he'll make working. Anybody have any ideas for Thanksgiving traditions?
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
Two days until Thanksgiving...and my Aunt Gina's birthday. (I have to double check but I'm pretty sure it falls on Thanksgiving this year.) I feel somewhat connected to her since we both have Thanksgiving birthdays every 4 years or so. I think that's pretty cool. But anywho... we don't really have anything planned for Thanksgiving. Josh has to work...for the next 7 days straight! I feel bad for him having to work retail for 7 days without a break during the worst time of the whole year. He hasn't decided if we will join our friends Christine and Scott and Logan or Ally and Brett for Thanksgiving. We have invitations from both and I am just grateful we have friends here willing to share this time of year with us.
Remembering back on old Thanksgivings I remember so much yummy food. I remember Dad cooking, something we all looked forward to I think. He was a great cook but he never cooked much since he worked a lot...except on holidays and sometimes on weekends. Those were rare treats. We didn't really have any traditions I can remember other than eating until we were full to bursting, which is a pretty good one I think. I loved all the traditional foods we ate...the turkey all moist and delicious smothered in gravy and the mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. I loved even the rolls with butter on them and the pumpkin pie. I was never a fan of sweet potatoes or cranberries though. I know I know I'm unAmerican.
This time of year, having a baby for the first time, and seperated from all my family and friends back home, I feel a little bit homesick. I am very grateful for the friends we've made here but I do wish Justace could meet his Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Ashlie. I wish we could all be together just once a year. But it's too hard in these times to get the money for plane tickets and hotels and whatnot so we will just have to make do.
We have our own little family now. Me and Josh and Justace and of course let's not forget Frankie and Bella and Pip. They are family too. And I want to start our own traditions but other than food, I'm really not coming up with any ideas for Thanksgiving for us. As Justace gets bigger I'd like to take a photo of him with the turkey each year to show his growth and whatnot. And I wish his Dad was going to be home with us for Thanksgiving but we need the money he'll make working. Anybody have any ideas for Thanksgiving traditions?
Monday, November 19, 2012
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