Not About Me

As the time draws closer to shipping out for basic training I find myself starting to feel a little nervous and a little anxious and even a bit excited. I haven't had much time to think about basic training what with working non-stop and trying to keep things at home clean and organized. However, I'm about to have two weeks off in which I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to fret and worry, as is my custom with everything in life.

Mostly, I think, it's a confidence issue. That I have none. Which is a big part of the reason I'm joining. I want to become a more confidant and strong woman. I know I'm out of shape and not physically ready for basic training. But I also know the whole point of basic training is to get you ready and no matter how hard it is they are going to make sure I'm ready before I graduate. But the big thing is I know it's all mental. If I can get in the right mindset I can do it. I have to believe in myself. I have to really really want it. I have to not let their yelling get to me or those horrid thoughts that always sneak in when I'm not careful. You know the ones that say you're a loser. You don't have what it takes. You'll never make it.

But my recruiter told me something the other day that really put things in a different perspective. I've been so focused on me and how I'm going to get through basic. But I'm going to be there with a lot of other girls, most of them young and barely out of their teens, who will also be scared and going through a hard time. And, as I will probably be one of the older girls there, he suggested maybe I do the best I can and also serve as a mentor for the younger girls. Encourage them. Be their cheerleader. Be there if they're having a hard time and help them. I know we'll all have to help each other through basic. And I don't expect to be anywhere near the best there by any means. But if I can just focus outwardly on others and stop focusing on me maybe, as a team, I'll get through it. And it won't be so scary having friends there alongside you the whole way. :-)