Memories

My earliest memory is relaxing in the basement in Kansas during a tornado warning. I remember there being a giant teddy bear down there, much bigger than I was. I remember cuddling into it and falling asleep. I felt so safe and warm and happy. I don’t remember anything else...if anyone else was there...but I’m sure they must have been. Mom was probably freaking out. But all I remember is that giant teddy bear and how comfortable it was. I don’t remember what happened...I doubt I even knew.

I was probably 4 or 5 at the time. There were always tornado warnings in Kansas so I’m sure it was fairly common for us to be down there. I suppose I could ask Mom about it and see if she remembers anything more.

I have no idea why I remember this. Perhaps because of how safe and happy I felt? Or how comfortable that teddy bear felt? Maybe that was a time I wish I could go back to again? A time when, despite the storm raging outside, I felt no fear at all. I felt the opposite of how I was supposed to feel in that event. I want to go back to a time when nothing bothered me...when my young age and ignorance protected me from the constant fear and stress I feel now.

In my life story, I think this memory shows an important time. A time when I was growing from a baby girl to a young girl. It shows what life was like when we lived in Kansas. And more importantly, I feel as though it’s a good example of how we should live our lives in Christ. I feel as though, as children of God, we should behave as children do in some things. For one, that 100 percent trust in God, that you believe so much that He is taking care of you, even in the scariest of times, that you feel no fear and can instead go to sleep completely at peace.

My second earliest memory is I’m sitting on the couch, which is in the living room in front of the window to the front yard. I’m watching all the other kids walk with their parents to the school bus stop to wait for the bus. I feel so anxious to be there with them. So bored to be here at home. I want to go to school. But I’m still too young yet.

Again, I must have been 4 or 5 at this time and again this is in Kansas. I remember I so wanted to go to school when I was younger. And, when I first started going, I really loved it. It wasn’t until I was probably in middle school or high school that I started hating it. I loved learning. I loved reading. I felt it was so unfair then the other kids go to go to school and I had to stay home. Even though Mom assured me next year I would get to go. Next year seemed like an eternity then. This memory really shows who I was then, as a little girl. Just a little girl who loved knowledge and reading and wanted to get out and learn and have fun. Part of me feels like I’m still that girl. But part of me feels like I’m not...like I let fear stop me from doing things I would have loved to do before.

These two memories both occurred around the same time. They both occurred when I was a little girl in Kansas, just starting to not be that baby anymore. Starting to form who I was.