Goals and Dreams

My sister recently posted a blog on her goals/bucket list for the year. While I loved hers my life goals right now are very different. But I like her idea of posting them here for all to see. Right now my life is nowhere near any kind of order or how I want it to be. I have both goals I want just to change my current situation as well as dreams for one day far in the future that I am not as focused on just yet. So here are some of mine.

1. Get a job. My dream is one day to again work as a journalist because I love doing that. I also dream of one day writing fiction again like I used to and becoming a best selling author. I have another dream of teaching young children. Obviously I can't do all of these things so I would need to decide and work toward one as a goal. But for right now, being unemployed, I just want any job even if it means working as a waitress or at a local grocery store for a while until I can get a better job. Of course I am so close to giving birth to our baby boy I can't do much to even look for a small job right now. I plan on waiting until about 2 weeks after he is born and once I have gotten used to being a mom and hopefully healed a little bit from child birth I will begin seriously applying for jobs...even a part time job here would be better than nothing at all.

2. I want to get back in shape again. Obviously, right now, I am huge because of my pregnancy. I weigh 145lbs and am just waiting for our son to be born to hopefully lose at least a majority of that. Right now I can't do much in the way of working out other than walk but I do walk a mile and a half every day. After the baby is born I will probably continue to walk for about 5 or 6 weeks and just take him around the block with me in his stroller to spend some mommy and baby time together. But in the next 2 or 3 months, once my body has fully healed, I would like to start going to the gym again or set up a running routine to start getting back in shape again. The only problem is the gym here in Ashton is only open early in the morning and I am not a morning person so I may have to figure something else out or just suck it up and wake up early anyway.

3. I want to be a better wife and mother. This is an ongoing one. Always wanting to be better. Right now I spend most of my time when Josh is home complaining. I never feel good and everything is all about me all the time. Since I'm pregnant and about to go through the worst pain of my life, which is half his fault, I feel entitled to this at the moment. But once the little man gets here and I'm done being all achy and feeling horrible I really need to begin to focus back on Josh again and what I can do for him and how I can be a better wife to him and support him more. For one, as long as I'm not working, I can cook him meals so he can eat well and not have to do that. I can make him drinks and spend more time in the evenings with him watching movies or playing games.

4. I want to become better at the things I used to enjoy. These include writing and playing the guitar and photography and scrapbooking and more recently baking. I don't write at all anymore. I'm not sure if it's just because I don't have the passion for it I used to or because I don't believe in myself anymore and my ability to write well. But, even if it's the worst writing ever, if I force myself to write again I'm sure I'll get back into it again. If I make myself practice the guitar daily or as often as I can I will be able to play again. If I practice taking photos of everything I will get better at it. I just need to practice and stop doubting myself so much.

5. I need to get closer to God again. I have not gone to church in months and do not pray or read my Bible very often at all. So once baby comes and I've established a semblance of routine in my life I need to start going to church again and I want to pray every day and read the Bible to little James. Even if he can't understand it yet it'll be good for me to read to him anyway and that's a good book to read.

6. I want money. We are always broke. We can barely afford to pay for the things we need. We get paid on Wednesdays and by Thursday, after we've paid all our bills and gone grocery shopping, we usually are back to being completely broke until the following week. I hate living like this. Between the two of us we have about $20,000 total in debts. So...my dream...is one day to completely debt free. Now I realize this is not a short term goal by any means and is going to take a long time to accomplish. Right now we just need to focus on getting jobs and moving out of this house. But, in addition to being debt free, I want to have enough income that we can afford to put away 10 percent in savings each pay check and give 10 percent to either the church or an organization like St. Jude's. I want to have at least 6 months income sitting in a savings account just in case.

7. Even though I want a job I don't want to be married to my job. I don't want it to be the most important thing in my life. Even if I return to journalism again I still want my family to be the number one most important thing in my life. I want to have weekend and vacation and evening time to spend with my son and Josh. I want time to volunteer in the community and at church. My job, no matter what it is, should always be second place to my life outside of work.