7 Weeks

Justace is 7 weeks old now. I've got a sort of kind of routine going with him at home that seems to be working pretty well. He's not on a clock schedule but I do everything in order. He eats a bottle. Then we have some playtime until he gets sleep which right now is usually only 15 minutes to an hour after his bottle and then he takes a nap while I either get some much needed sleep or eat a meal or do chores or workout. Then when he wakes from his nap, which I never let go over 3 hours during the daytime, we start this routine all over again. It makes it easy for me to tell why he's crying...whether he's hungry or sleepy or has gas or just needs some attention and cuddling. I'm not returning to work so I'm settling into becoming a stay at home mom, at least for now. Besides taking care of Justace...which is a full time job at the moment...I keep the house clean and organized and I've started learning how to cook. Josh still is in charge of cooking dinner but I get up in the morning before he does and once I've fed and taken care of Justace I cook breakfast for us. I also cook dessert for us twice a week as well.

Justace still hates tummy time so I've stopped trying to force it on him when it makes him so upset. His eyes focus on my face and he recognizes the sound of my voice. When I talk or read or sing to him he gets quiet and stares at me and listens. When I shake a rattle near his face he will move his head toward the sound to look at it and he stares at his mobile on his swing.

He still sleeps most of the day although his wakeful/play periods are starting to last a little bit longer than they used to. I wish he slept through the whole night but he still doesn't yet. However, the last 4 days I've tried this method of tanking him up on formula the last 6 hours before bedtime and he's been sleeping about 5 hours straight at night when I do that which is really nice. So he will usually sleep until around 4 in the morning. I also don't let him sleep for more than 3 hours at a time during the day so he will sleep longer at nighttime. It seems to be working pretty well.

He is a little piggy. I call him by little baby pooh bear because he loves to eat. His feedings have gone from just 2 oz when I brought him home from the hospital to between 4 and 7 oz each feeding now. He is gaining weight fast and has little rolls of fat all over which I think are adorable.

Even though it's been nearly 2 months I still feel a little bit of the after effects of birth. My bleeding has slowed down but still hasn't stopped yet. I had my 6 week check up and my pap smear results came back abnormal again. Apparently I have something called LGSIL which is cervical dysplasia. It's not a big deal and usually goes away by itself within 2 years but it was still very frustraing and upsetting to get this news. I have to go to a clinic 2 hours away from us in 2 weeks for another colposcopy test to see how severe it is in me. As long as it's not a severe case they will probably just watch it over the next couple of years which means a colposcopy test every 6 months. If it is severe or if it gets worse or doesn't go away I will have to go through treatment for it which is all very painful. I got this news yesterday and was depressed pretty much all day and angry that this had to happen to me...someone who is terrifed of doctors and tests and also isn't a huge fan of having my vagina on display for strange doctors all the time like this. But...after talking it out with my best friend Sara and praying about it I have come to realize it's a blessing in disguise. If this is something that could be an early sign of cervical cancer in the future than they have caught it early enough that I won't get sick or have to deal with having cancer. But...if it's severe...and they have to treat it...it may cause me to not be able to have any more children so Justace may be it for us now unless we adopt later on in life. If that's the case it's a huge blessing we had him before I had to undergo treatment for this and also a blessing that I won't get cancer because of how early they have caught it. My c-section scar still hurts a little sometimes..mostly when Justace kicks it.

My emotions have calmed down a lot since the first few days after birth when I was a roller coaster. But I still get times every now and then where tears come to my eyes for no real reason. I'm still learning how to take care of Justace and sometimes it can feel overwhelming. I'm still feeling sad and a little like a failure that I haven't gotten a job yet. But I do love being a mom. I'm sure all this is perfectly normal since becoming a mom for the first time is such a huge change in life.