19 Weeks

So Justace was sleeping hardly at all during the day until a few days ago. The past few days he's taken a couple long naps during the day. Wondering if he might be growing through a growth spurt. He was also spitting up a ton so I took him to see the doctor yesterday. He checks out perfectly healthy but Doc said most likely he's eating too much so I am only feeding him 4 oz a bottle now instead of the 6 oz I was giving him.

He sleeps through the night...sort of. He'll go a couple nights where he sleeps real well and then have a bad night and then back to sleeping again. But I think he is getting more used to his crib. Still screams when I put him down but it's taking less time for him to fall asleep. Took 2 hours at first. Now it's usually closer to 15 minutes or so.

He's mastered rolling onto his tummy now and won't sleep any other way now. I still put him down on his back but he just immediately rolls over onto his tummy. I guess it's more comfortable that way?

I know for someone who has never done it, considering that was me not very long ago, being a mom with no job seems like an easy and lazy thing to do. People think all we do is watch TV and lay around all day. But being a mom, even without a job, is the hardest thing I've ever done. I love it more than anything but it's exhausting. Josh and I had a really good talk...well, honestly, it was more him talking and me crying and listening. But basically, what he made me realize, is I am stretching myself too far with everything. I feel like I have to be a mom 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. I feel I have to devote all my time to Justace and if I put him down to do something for myself I feel way guilty. It's hard enough to put him down so I can cook or clean but putting him down so I can watch TV or play a game or even just take a nap is out of the question. So by the end of the day I'm just exhausted and I haven't felt like myself since Justace was born. I feel as though I'm not me anymore. And so...the past few days...after our late night talk/cry session... (yes I'm still a girl and have crazy hormones) I have MADE time for me. Even if it's just 30 minutes of playing a video game or watching a movie at night after he's in bed or ignoring the mess in the house and taking a long afternoon nap instead when he falls asleep. And, doing this, and not feeling guilty about it, has made me feel so much better.