4 Weeks

Justace is 4 weeks old today. Not much has changed in the past week except right now he has a cold and it's killing me listening to him breathe funny. He's sneezing and has so much mucous in his nose and his lungs. I want more than anything to take him to a doctor to make sure he's going to be OK and maybe get some medicine or something to help make him feel better but with no insurance we can't afford to take him in for every little cold he gets...only for the big more serious stuff. I called and the doctor said as long as he doesn't have a fever and isn't have trouble breathing and is still eating ok he should be fine in a week. And since he's so young still he isn't old enough for baby medicine of any kind yet. So all I can do is keep feeding him and try to help him sleep as much as possible. Christine suggested I take hot showers with him so the steam can clear out his nose. I did that yesterday and he seemed to calm down a little for a short period of time. Josh looked it up and apparently babies will get between 6 and 10 colds a year because their immune systems aren't fully developed yet so they catch pretty much everything that goes around. Plus it's really dry right now here in Idaho and the dryness can also cause colds in babies too. I just feel so terrible for him right now and wish more than anything I could do something to make him feel better. I hate feeling so helpless.

I have started to figure out a very loose schedule for him. It's not exact but I feed and change him every 2 or 3 hours during the day and at night he usually only wakes me twice...once around 2 or 3am and once around 5 or 6am. Knowing kind of when he is going to be hungry again helps because I can start heating his bottle up and also try to schedule chores and things around those times as well. I still watch a lot of Mad Men while I feed him or hang out with Josh on the couch. Before I was keeping him in our bedroom all day and night to sleep but now that he's started staying awake more I move him into the living room area during the day so he can watch what's going on while he's awake.

He started smiling too! He doesn't laugh yet and his smiles don't usually last long but it's so good to see them and not just hear him crying. If I can manage to capture one in a photo I will but so far by the time I get the camera ready he's not smiling any longer. He also is getting much better at holding his head up by himself. It's still a little bit shaky but he can usually lift it up to look around for about 30 seconds or so before he has to put it back down again. I try to give him some tummy time every day to help make him stronger but he really hates being on his tummy so I usually only leave him like that for a few minutes before I pick him up again.

Because he's still so young and hasn't had his shots yet we haven't taken him out of the house and have limited visitors as much as possible. He has another month before he gets his first round of shots. We did take him to the hospital once and to our friend Christine's house so she could watch him. I'm still kind of nervous taking him out anyway because if he starts to cry and I can't get him to calm down it's kind of embarrassing. I'm one of "those" parents now. Before when we were out and someone had a screaming child I used to always think oh man that sucks. I'm so glad that's not me. And now it is... He does have another hospital visit today for another test and on the 4th of july I plan on taking him to see the parade in the morning but we'll spend the rest of the day at the house since Josh says we can see the fireworks great from our back yard.

In another month though, once he's had his first round of shots, I plan on starting to take him out more so he can see things. Mom bought me a baby carrier which I've started to learn how to use around the house and I plan on probably taking that with me when I take him out and about. We have a really nice stroller a friend got us and I use it for our walks each day but right now he's still so young he really likes being held close to mommy so the baby carrier will probably be best at first. I'm glad everyone got us to many useful and nice gifts. We would have never been able to afford all the clothes he has and such a good stroller and baby carrier and bassinet. It's just a lot of things he has that we couldn't have gotten for him without the help of our family and friends. I'm so glad he's loved and cherished by so many people even if not all of them are here to see him every day.

While I have lost the majority of my pregnancy weight I still have a bit of a tummy pooch going on that I can't seem to get rid of. I think right now I've lost all the weight I can lose without doing an actual exercise routine again. But I should be able to start one up in a couple of weeks and hopefully I can lose this tummy and get back in good shape again. I went through all of my clothes this week and got rid of everything that no longer fits me except for some items that are just a tiny bit too tight since I'm hoping to lose a little bit of weight soon.

Josh has been such a big help with the baby. And even friends here...Christine and Ally... have all helped so much so I don't get too stressed out and lose it. I've gotten used to the weird sleep schedules and am starting to get on a semi routine. Baby's bedtime is at 10pm each night and I go to sleep not long after that. He wakes me twice at night but we don't stay up. I just feed him his bottle and we both go right back to sleep again until 6 or 7 in the morning when I get up for the day. I try to take a 3 hour nap between 1 and 4 in the afternoon if I can but that doesn't always happen. The eating 3 meals a day is hard for a few reasons. First, I don't seem to have much of an appetite any more. I'm not sure if that's because I'm no longer pregnant and eating for 2 or exhaustion or what. Also, depending on if he's fussy or not sometimes I just don't have the time to make and eat a full meal. Josh always makes sure I eat a good dinner with him at night and he takes over baby holding duty so I can eat. And I usually eat either breakfast or lunch during the day but sometimes don't get both. I figure it might take some more time to get back on a really regular daily schedule again. Plus he's still a newborn so hopefully in a couple months he won't be quite as needy constantly.

Another thing is everyone seems to be an expert on babies except for me...his own mother. My family and friends and even acquaintances all have so much advice to give on me on every single thing about raising a baby. One the one hand, I am very grateful for all the advice. I constantly feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and am just shocked that I haven't managed to kill him yet. But, on the other hand, some advice I get, I just can't seem to do. Like...letting him cry it out when he's crying and has been fed and changed. I know everyone says to let him be but it kills me. I'd rather hold him close and soothe him to sleep all day then ignore him when he's crying. I guess I'll take the advice I can and if it doesn't work for him or for me I'll go with my instincts...hopefully being his mother has some advantages to knowing what he needs or wants.

I've begun looking for work again but so far this week all I've been able to find is a bank teller position in St. Anthony...about 10 minutes from Ashton. I doubt I will get hired since I have no experience and am not great at math but they did say they are willing to train so maybe I will get lucky. Josh has officially begun classes this week. Hopefully in a couple months he will finally have his degree! Not sure how useful that will be to him but at least he'll have finished it finally. Better than not having one at all. We are getting slightly less money with his GI bill than he was making working but it evens out since we are also paying about $200 less in gas money since he doesn't have to drive back and forth from Rexburg every day.

I really wanted to go for walks daily but I have temporarily given up on our walks. My allergies are terrible right now and going outside even for a minute causes sneezing fits and itchy eyes that last for days and make me miserable. Plus Justace is sick and I don't want to take him outside until he gets better again either.

I haven't had much time for me or projects I'd like to work on like my baby scrapbook or playing the guitar. Most of my days are filled with taking care of Justace or finding time to eat or sleep or spend some time with Josh. But I'm sure I'll have more time for me in a couple months when things settle down. I have been trying to take as many photos as I possibly can. And when I have the time I try to cook new things for breakfast for Josh and I. I made a german pancake the other day which was delicious...it's basically a baked pancake and you put sugar and strawberries and whipped cream in the middle.