17 Weeks

Justace has really started to become more outgoing. We took him to Salt Lake City for a couple days to meet all Josh's relatives. It was mainly to see Kymie...Justace's grandma...but of course while we were there everyone else wanted to see him too. He did really well. Loved meeting new people. Loved all the attention. He's always reaching for people and for things...like necklaces if you are wearing one, hair if its long or beards or glasses. He likes to reach out and touch my face when I'm holding him.

So because I've been the one home with him all the time and taking care of him while Josh works I've really gotten to know him and his personality a lot better. While Josh really hasn't. If I leave them alone Josh freaks out a little bit and doesn't know what to do. And honestly, I know I need to leave the 2 of them alone together so they are forced to get to know each other but I find it really really hard. I hear him crying and I just know if I go hold him or change his diaper he will be ok and it is really hard to ignore it and let Josh figure it out but I know I really need to work on this more. I need to let Josh be with him more without me stepping in so quickly. Like today he was crying and wouldn't stop so they gave him to me and he quieted down right away. But that's not a good thing I don't think. Part of me feels totally flattered in a selfish way that he wants his mommy but he needs to not depend on me so much for comfort all the time. Crib training has been hell! He hates his crib and he cries for hours at a time. It's torture listening to him scream. I took Nicole's advice though and when I can't take it any longer I sit down and put in headphones and watch Dr. Who so I can't hear him. I really hope he gets used to his crib soon.

He rolls over like a pro now. At least from his tummy to his back anyways. Hasn't yet rolled from his back to his tummy though he has tried. So now I'm working on sitting up. I try to sit him up by himself as much as possible. He's getting better at it.

Being a mom is such an emotional roller coaster. One minute I'm staring at him just amazed that we brought him into this world and at the insane amount of love I have for him. The next minute I'm in tears because he won't stop screaming and I don't know why. And the next I'm leaving him alone in his crib and leaving in a huff full of anger because he won't stop screaming. Then the next I'm feeling so guilty for getting angry with him when he's just a baby and doesn't know any better and wants his mommy to love and comfort him.

I do most of the baby care but I'll be honest I don't know if I could without Josh here. There are so many times when I just feel overwhelmed and stressed out or too emotional from the crying to handle a screaming baby any longer or too tired and sore from holding him for an hour. And that's when Josh always steps in and takes over like a pro. Gives me a break. Lets me calm down. Sometimes all I need is just a few moments to breathe and calm down. Other times I may need a nice long nap. But either way he's really been my savior through this new motherhood adventure.

As a rule I never ever ever sang or danced at all before I had Justace. Now I spend so much of my day doing both of these things. When he's upset if we can't go outside for some reason and walk I carry him and I turn on music and sing and dance with him. He loves it and since nobody is there to judge me I secretly kind of love it too. Strangely, he's not a huge fan of the classical music the "experts" say you should play. He likes all music but he responds more to rock music than anything else I play. Rock and pop. If he's crying a lot of times one of these types will get him to calm down and just listen. I think its funny my 4 month old son loves rock music.