Mary or Martha?

Yesterday in church the pastor talked about being Mary vs being Martha. I'll be honest...I was busy trying to hush Justace and probably only heard half of what was said in the pulpit, if that but it did make me think. I've changed so much in the past 10 years or so and not, I think, in good ways. I used to be Mary. I used to be so in love with Jesus and so passionate about my faith. I loved going to church. During worship I sang with all my heart straight to God. Nothing distracted me and I didn't care about anything else. I loved going to Bible studies and learning and talking and asking questions. I loved putting God's word into practice in my daily life.

Today, I'm nothing like Mary. I'm Martha to a tee! I am always moving, always busy. I am always cleaning or organizing or doing something. Having friends over just stresses me out instead of being fun. Instead of just relaxing and talking and having a good time I get so worried about the state of the house or if the food is good or what to say because I have a hard time talking. Even when I force myself to sit down and "relax" I'm not really relaxed at all. I sit there and think about all the things that need doing that I'm not doing in that moment.

I need to stop this. It's OK to keep the house clean and have schedules but I need to be flexible. If I have a pile of dirty laundry and a sink full of dirty dishes and toys scattered all over the floor because I just spent a really great day out with my husband and son and created lasting memories and really fully lived the day and enjoyed every minute isn't that more important in the long run than having a clean home?