2 Weeks Old

Justace is 2 weeks old today. Right now I just finished feeding him and put him down to sleep until Josh gets home. We have to go back to the hospital because they called and said his newborn screening test got messed up somehow and we have to redo it.

How am I doing? I'm exhausted! I try to sleep when Justace sleeps as much as possible but only sleeping for 2 hour increments at a time round the clock really takes a lot out of you. My days pretty much consist of feeding Justace, changing Justace, rocking Justace to sleep then either sleeping myself or eating something before he wakes up to do it all over again.

Our friend, Christine, has been a lifesaver. The first day I had Justace to myself all day because Josh had gone back to work I hadn't slept in 12 hours and could not get him to calm down and stop crying. I called Josh in tears telling him I just couldn't do this anymore and the baby wouldn't stop crying no matter what I did and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Christine, who lives an hour away, came over right away to take over baby duty and give me a chance to sleep. I handed him over and as soon as I did he quieted down and stayed quiet for her while I slept for the next 4 hours. I felt so much better after getting some sleep. Her mom and her husband's mom, who both live here in Ashton, both told me to call them anytime I needed help and they'll be happy to come over and watch him for a few hours while I sleep if I need it. I have never been so grateful. I also try to shower every morning, even if he's crying. Of course I feed and change him but if he's still crying I put him down and go take a hot shower. It really relaxes me and then I can come back to him and hold him until he calms down again.

Thankfully, right now, Justace spends most of his time sleeping, even if he does wake every couple hours for food. He's growing quickly. He was born at 6lbs8oz and was 6lbs4oz when we left the hospital, which is normal. Two days later he had already gained back all his weight and was back up to 6lbs8oz again. I'm not sure how much he weighs now but he's eating a ton so I'm sure he's growing fast.

As far as looking for work, I still have a few more months of unemployment so I'm not planning on even really looking for another month or so. I want to wait until things have calmed down a bit and I've started to get the hang of taking care of a newborn. Plus, I'm told, once he hits around 3 months or so, he should hopefully start to sleep through the night...or at least for 5 or 6 hours straight anyways so I should be slightly less exhausted.

I'm not allowed to work out at all for at least another month but I started taking Justace out in his stroller to go for walks with me in the afternoon on nice days and I often walk with him around the house while trying to soothe him back to sleep. Not sure how much I weigh now but I am able to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans...at least the ones I wore when I was bloated on my period. So that's a start. I can fit into my regular jeans but I can't zip or button them up just yet so need to lose a bit more for that. But I'm eating healthy and trying to avoid sweets and bad foods as much as possible. Though I do let myself have the occasional bit of ice cream still sometimes. But I've given up coffee temporarily. I want to be able to go to sleep whenever I can during the day so I don't want caffeine keeping me up during those precious hours when I could be napping.

Honestly, my relationship with Josh is unsure at the moment. On the one hand, I love him more than ever now. He's the father of my child and he's been so incredibly wonderful to me through the labor and the surgery and since then with helping around the house and with Justace whenever he isn't at work. But between him having to work constantly and me being constantly with Justace or exhausted there hasn't been any time for the two of us to be together. I try to stay awake to watch TV with him for a couple hours at night but I just can't seem to keep my eyes open through a show. Hopefully we get some couple time in a couple months. I miss my husband!

As far as getting out of debt goes I think we are screwed. The hospital wants $18,000 from us and they are saying they want min payments of $600 a month. There's just no way that's going to happen and I'm not sure how we will ever pay off this debt.