25 Weeks

Holy crap! He's not crawling still but boy can he move. He might as well be crawling. I put him down and between rolling and scooting he can pretty much go anywhere he wants to go in the house if I don't watch him, including the kitty litter box! So even though he's not crawling I have to watch him like a hawk every time I put him on the floor.

He's almost 6 months old. I should be a pro by now, Right? Not!!! I still have no idea what I'm doing half the time. I have this dream ideal world in my head that is so not reality. In my dream world we are the perfect little family. In my dream world he's always smiling and cooing and making us laugh and he sleeps through the whole night! In my dream world we spend lots of family time together and take long walks in the evenings after dinner. In my dream world Josh is the most attentive and caring father in the world and still manages to be the best and most attentive husband to me as well.

In the real world however Justace is constantly changing and just when I think I have him down he changes again and I'm back to being clueless and trying to figure out what to do with him and hos to respond. One minute he's laughing and smiling the and next, for seemingly no reason at all, he's in complete meltdown mode and screaming and I have no idea how to make it stop or why he suddently melted. In reality I'm not sure I will ever have a full night of sleep again! In reality the few times we've managed to all get out of the house together I spend much of the time changing diapers or feeding or holding Justace and trying to keep him from going into screaming mode. In reality my husband seems less like a romantic partner and more like nothing more than a room mate whom I argue with from time to time about differences of opinion and who much of the time I don't even have any romantic feelings for anymore.

It's helped me joining this fussy baby Web site where I can connect with other moms in the same situation and talking my own grandmother who also went through this. Not sure why but just knowing I'm not alone and there's nothing wrong with me makes me feel comforted. And I've started working on ways to cope with the stress and the screaming. I've used a combination of listening to the advice of others with ignoring the advice of others and going with my instincts with constantly changing things up. In the moments when I really begin to feel a melt down I've given him to someone else, either his father or a friend, and left to do something away from him.

This week I plan on reading more to him and doing more nursery rhymes and games. He has his doctor's appointment on the 3rd of December although I think that's actually in a couple weeks from now.

I plan on attending library story time and church this week since we missed these due to sickness the past week. Also need to baby proof!!! Till next week everyone have a happy Thanksgiving and I will update again in one week.